Balancing Male and Female Traits, or Merely Being Human?

That still seems to be the question.

I was intrigued by the article below, particularly its definitions of how a woman would know if a man were “really” a feminist. (Do some men truly pretend? Yes, I suppose that has been the case for some years now. I remember a man who felt the need to lecture me in the 90s that we women “shouldn’t blow” the legality of abortion–as if he and perhaps other men had somehow gifted it to us!)

But I am a bit thunderstruck at the suggestion toward the end of the article that some women are reluctant to talk about their feelings. It makes me want to exclaim, “Oh, dear, that isn’t what we meant at all!”

What do you think? Has the pendulum swung toward female “cold fishes?” Is it swinging still? And, if so, where would you like it to be?

Here’s the article. See what you think.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-to-find-a-feminist-boyfriend/2015/01/02/ebd9ed10-8f7b-11e4-a900-9960214d4cd7_story.html?hpid=z2

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8 Comments

  1. I can’t believe I just read something in the Washington Post about feminism. 🙂 Immediate reaction: how someone defines him- or herself may not tell you all that much. People mean wildly different things by “feminist,” and when one person is trying to impress another, all bets are off. I do like the idea of checking out a person’s favorite authors, musicians, artists, etc. If there are no women on the lists — danger, danger, danger. Not to mention, what are you going to talk about if you don’t read any of the same authors?

    Talking about feelings? Or talking about feelings with male partners? Most women do not talk with men the way they talk with women, at least not till they know whether the men are trustworthy.

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    • I know. I thought it was a notable article. It’s always good to look at things from the viewpoint of people of a different age. I think part of the point here is that talk between intimate partners is changing. Men are changing, too; at least some are, particularly college-educated men who are exposed to more feminist readings and discussion. (But one’s emotional patterns would be set by college age, so the root would have to be earlier experience, wouldn’t it?) The suggestion is that communication patterns are changing. The proof is in the actions, still, as far as I’m concerned. I think I raised a good partner for women in my son, and so did some others of my friends. Part of that is that his father is respectful and responsive. There’s a reason he has lots of close women friends. They both do. But do you ever talk the same way with people whose experience is vastly different from your own? Not about some things, I think. But maybe about many things, if you’re lucky and work for it.

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  2. Dana

     /  January 11, 2015

    Without yet reading the article you posted, I am responding to your title. I don’t even like labeling traits as male and female. Who makes up the lists? I find that traits labeled as female are often considered by mainstream society to be negative — traits that many men don’t want to have. I’d prefer to see a list of human traits that just are, without an assigned gender.

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  5. Thanks, everyone, for reading. I’m glad you landed on this site. I’ve been taking a hiatus, but will begin posting new material again soon.

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